Lately, thanks to some new endeavors, I have been exposed to, and subsequently fascinated by some terminology that is used almost exclusively by ONLY two industries: Construction and Porn.

Trivial Pursuit bonus round: See if you can parse the construction terminology from the porn terminology.

• Nipple
• Hickey
  
• Peckerhead
• Money shot
• Sill cock
• Dirty arm
• Filthy Sanchez
  
• Gas cock
• Bug nuts
• Rigid nipples
• Cock
  
• Dirt leg

If you know what some of these things are, good for you! They all make me laugh....heh. Oh, yeah...I almost forgot to share some great news...I guess I'm a plumber now! Here are the rules for plumbing, just in case anybody else wants to take a crack at it:

1. Hot on the left
2. Cold on the right
3. Shit flows downhill

Cool, huh?

Here's a final question for anybody who might know the answer...I'm just curious, no extra points will be awarded:

Does anyone out there have a clue why the great State of Indiana only requires plumbers to be licensed at the State level? To me, it sure seems like electricians could do a lot more damage a lot faster....

Just curious.

UPDATE: No, I am not actually a plumber. Don't call me to retrieve your wife's wig from the septic tank. The above referenced "Plumbing for dummies" bit was a joke. I do, however still wish to know about the weird and arbitrary licensing requirement.

Labels: Dirt leg, porn and chicken

I think we (The United States) need to make fuel out of cats. They're free, they self-propagate at a breakneck pace and most people don't like them.

Labels: alternative fuel, gas prices, I hate cats

Tonight I received a forward from a friend (contents below) that just about made me blow my stack. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't mad at my friend for sending it to me, quite to the contrary, I'm glad she did so that I may publicly go on the record with my comments (they follow the forwarded email below).

Forwarded email:

THIS IS NOT THE 'DON'T BUY' GAS FOR ONE DAY, BUT IT WILL SHOW YOU HOW WE CAN GET GAS BACK DOWN TO $1.30 PER GALLON.

This was sent by a retired Coca Cola executive. It came from one of his engineer buddies who retired from Halliburton. If you are tired of t he gas prices going up AND they will continue to rise this summer, take time to read this please.

Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea.
This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the 'don't buy gas on a certain day' campaign that was going around last April or May!
It's worth your consideration. Join the resistance!!!!

I hear we are going to hit close to $ 4.00 a gallon by next summer and it might go higher!! Want gasoline prices to come down?

We need to take some intelligent, united action. The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to 'hurt' ourselves by refusing to buy gas.

It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.
BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can Really work. Please read on and join with us!

By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $2.00 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.98 for regular unleaded in my town.

Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace...not sellers.

With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action.

The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves.

How? Since we all rely on ou r cars, we can't just stop buying gas.

But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.

Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL.

If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do! Now, don't wimp out on me at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I am sending this note to 30 people. If each of us send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) .. and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers.
If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!

If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all!

(If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am . so trust me on this one.

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!

I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you!
Acting together we can make a difference.

If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $2.00 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN. THIS CAN REALLY WORK.


Keep it going

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! I have no idea who Phillip Hollsworth is, but evidently he's a fucking moron. Here was the response I typed to my friend explaining why to totally disregard the forwarded email about this potentially costly and totally f-ed up "plan:"

Labels: Big business, gas prices, oil, petroleum, stick it to the man

Labels: Biff Rose

When it comes to tedious or gut-wrenching tasks, I'm a champion. I will try to find the most effortless method possible for completing boring or nauseating chores. This is the reason that I will publicly pass along this little tidbit for all 11 of my readers.

See this shit? Memorize it. This fantastic bottle of goo will allow you to clean even your most hideous toilets without ever sloshing one of those foul-ass disgusting "bowl brushes" around in the can. Naaah, fuck it, throw the brushes away...you literally don't need them.

I'm not much of a shill for big corporate machines, but this shit works...REALLY WELL. You just coat the toilet bowl with it, and let it sit for an hour. Period. No scrubbing, no sloshing around in the sewage, just apply and flush it down the tube sometime later on when your A.A.D.D allows you to remember it.

End of story.

Oh yeah, it's cheap too...less than three bucks a bottle to NEVER have to scrub your poop catcher again. Well, there is always the alternative:



Gee, am I Suzie fucking homemaker or what? Baaaaah.

Labels: corn in your stool and the human response, feces, hey...your wife said it was good, poop residue and the human condition

Sorry about the brief nature of this post, but I just have to let my opinion be known here.

1. Robert Irvine had a very VERY entertaining cooking show on The Food Network.

2. He apparently lied about his credentials on his resume.

3. I cannot believe anyone actually gives a shit about his credentials, given the caliber of his show and his fantastic on-air presence.

Who exactly was FoodTV trying to appease by firing the chap? The British royal family? Why? I wouldn't fire him if he had lied about serving soup to indigents at St. Paul's.

What a farce.

Give him his job back, he did it well.

Labels: idiot asskissers