Saturday, September 30, 2006
Autumn Kickoff: Chili Cook-off
There's nothing quite like a bowl of hot chili to engage one's seasonal sentiments for the autumn, as close as I can tell. Sure, the leaves changing colors and the flamboyant tackiness of Halloween are certainly contributors to the atmosphere, but outdoor parties with sweatshirts, jackets, bonfires, seasonal beverages....mmm....I love the autumn. I always have.

To start, I was informed last week that two of my friends had announced their engagement to be married. Sweet. These two kids are great, and make a super couple. Matt and Sara, best wishes to you and congratulations! So, to formalize this arrangement, the happy couple decided to have a chili cook-off, taking culinary submissions from anyone interested in participating. As of chow time, 10 entries had been received, ballots were printed and tasting cups were labeled appropriately. Each participating taster or "judge" received a large tray, a ballot, a pen, and ten two-ounce cups of chili, each labeled with the number that corresponded to the position the maker held on the ballot, and of course there was beer, cider (standard or hard), spiked java and the ol' stand-by water! Did I mention beer? A one thru ten scale was used to judge each entry in the chili competition.

Several of the entries were of particular interest, chili #5 had something interesting about it that I couldn't put my finger on, so eventually I caved in and asked the chili's maker (Brad Fetters) what I was tasting...venison and sausage! It was excellent...my favorite of the evening by far. Entry #3 was a very tasty white chicken chili with garbanzo beans, corn and a rich, smoky cumin flavor...the most unique of the crowd by a landslide, major kudos to our host Sara Levy for that submission. My wife loved it!

Several of the soups were absurdely over-seasoned, obviously the makers didn't take the time to stew their own peppers and opted for a pre-canned chili powder instead, but it was overdone. Chili #9 (Kevin Flanagan) was absolutely bursting at the seems with roasted habanero peppers, which created a most unpleasant surprise for those in the crowd with a low tolerance for unbridled SHU madness....it was pretty spicy, but I've had hotter.

All others aside, the grand champion of the evening (and winner of a ladel and trophy) was chili #10, a brilliant little concoction from the damaged (but fun!) mind of Mr. Nick Kuhlhorst. #10 was a meaty, thick, potent little batch of culinary excellence that wowed the crowd to the point that he was the hands-down victor, even without the votes from several of the tasters! Yes, he literally ran out of chili before a handful of people even got their sample cups...and had a raw, unweighted score good enough to put down the competition (that's right...no bell curve, no averaging, even with several "zero" votes, he still won!).

When asked about his chili making secret, Mr. Kuhlhorst offered a bit of advice for any hopeful competitors:

"I made the chili about a week ago, it's just been sitting in the fridge steeping...like, letting the flavors all bleed together."

Genius.
Poppycock
So I took this little quiz thingy, and it tells me that I only have 16% of life left to experience. Based on the questions, they must be using a very short ruler. I rather expected to be answering questions like "have you ever had a 3-way with a Taiwanese hooker and Lebanese refugee?"

You've Experienced 84% of Life

You have an amazing amount of life experience. In fact, you've seen and done more than most people.
So congratulate yourself on what you've done so far. The future is only going to be more of the same!
Thursday, September 28, 2006

Obviously disheartened at the prospect of Guantanamo detainees never receiving sprinkles on their ice cream, some of the democratic leadership gathered together today to borrow a dick they could then drag in the dirt.

Things went from bad to worse for the Marxist Brothers (pictured are Grouchy, Cheapo, Harpy, and Zappo) as they realized the dick they had borrowed to drag in the dirt was in fact the property of Nancy Pelosi. The Marxist brothers knew a proper "dressing down" would be coming their way soon hence the glum expressions.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
The DeKalb County Fair: J4TR Style
Special "Where the fuck is my camera when I need it???" edition!

Sweet stuff going on at the DeKalb County Fall Fair, Auburn...I tell you what, Billy. I just want to re-cap a few things that either made me laugh, made me happy, made me puke, or just left me standing in stunned bewilderment. I apologize for the lack of photographic evidence, but I am doing my best to illustrate using my ninja-like descriptive ability, just so that you have some idea.

Things that made me laugh:

Mullets. Holy Gawd! I could have filled an entire memory card in the hour-and-a-half we were there. Fluffy ones, hacked up ones, greazy ones, you name it, I sawr it (proper Auburn pronunciation).

Shilling for Hayhurst. The only people I saw really getting down and dirty to convince the unwashed masses of the "shining star" that is Tom Hayhurst and his comical hide-and-go-seek schtick were a couple of fresh-off-the-line UAW members. After checking out the UAW website, I'm pretty sure they are primed and ready for the kind of interesting "all for one and one for all" propaganda that a socialist could bring to the table. As a matter of fact, based on what I read at that site, these folks must get a fresh load of propaganda packed up their ass each morning as they punch the time clock.

Shilling for Souder. The DeKalb County GOP booth was rife with goodies for people to plunder and display, including some cute little square cardboard plackards (bright green w/ orange letters, I think), each with a flat wooden stick that resembled a tongue depressor attached to the bottom. Each plackard read"I'm a Mark Souder Fan!" I guess that in these hot, sweaty, late September days, we need a gaudy fan adorned with the name of a pompous, theocratic chickenhawk to keep us cool. I almost grabbed one to throw on the scanner, but I didn't want anyone I knew to see me carrying it. I opted for a corn dog instead...way less embarrassing.

Things that made me happy:

Old lookin' aquaintences. Although time has not necessarily contributed in a good way to my waistline, I was relieved to see that some of the people I haven't seen in ten years or so look about 40 or 45, instead of the 30 which most of our birth certificates actually indicate. Time has treated many of my peers in an unfortunate fashion. He he he.

Tyson. I haven't seen my good friend Tyson in over 3 years....that is just way too fucking long. I was thrilled to giggles to find him relentlessly lobbying for his new Gravel Doctor franchise, in which his parents evidently invested. I was really glad to see him. I do, very much suck at staying in touch. I hope to get better.

Sirloin Tips w/ Mushrooms. That's right...food. A big, fat paper basket full of marinated sirloin tips with wok-seared marinated mushrooms for $6. It fed both my lovely wife and I.

Things that made me puke.

Chicken shit. I had forgotten exactly how bad poultry excrement smells.

The dumpster right outside the chicken barn. Evidently, it's full of the aforementioned excrement.

Things that left me standing in stunned bewilderment.

OK, I have to admit, there is only one such thing I observed. Warning: I am in no way laughing about the circumstances of the people we are about to discuss, I am simply baffled by what I saw. I promise, you would have just gawked in slack-jawed wonder too.

We'll call this
Hippie-HandiGospel-Oke. Here's the scenario: One mid-fifties hippie who resembled Willie Nelson (or some reasonable facsimilie thereof), two Sunday-dress clad thin-ish black women, and two SEVERELY handicapped (MS, maybe?) wheelchair bound gentlemen in wheelchairs, of an indeterminate age, all five in a semi-circle facing a Karaoke screen, each cradling a microphone in one hand, singing Gospel music to me at the top of their lungs as I ordered my "anything but a Souder fan" corn dog. No shit. The disabled gents were howling like wounded cows (trying very hard, I'm sure, to keep up with the Aretha Franklin-esque stylings of the two well-dressed black women), the hippie was grinning ear-to-ear, certainly high on the Lord (or maybe pot, I guess), and all dancing to the best of their abilities.

I know that when I was younger, I would have laughed...
hard. I was really somewhat of a cruel child...not a bully, necessarily, but I was always quick to laugh at the misfortunes of others, especially behind their backs. Sometimes, I even regretted some of the harsh things I said about people. But this time around, on the eve of my 30th birthday, I couldn't do anything but thank my lucky stars for the fact I am actually really, really good at Karaoke.


Sweet Jesus!

The unmistakable image of the Christian Savior has been spotted in yet another of the most unlikely places! The recent news has prompted an onslaught of the most bizarre genuflecting ever witnessed, right next to the grilled cheese sandwich.

The Vatican will most certainly be launching a full-scale investigation into the validity of this "miracle." Meanwhile, a mass pilgrimage has begun, and a vendor has already capitalized on this scenario, selling plastic baggies full of "Blessed BM."

Count me in! :)
Morons In Action!
According to the Times Online (UK), some jackass "animal rights" activists let loose about 15,000 farm-raised fish so that they could live free, just as nature intended. OK, kids...imagine this: Take a de-clawed "inside" cat, and Paris Hilton's annoying purse-bound fluffball she calls a dog and let them loose in a woods. How long do you suspect they would live?

The answer: Not long.

Yes, these twits, in their quest to "stick it to the man," literally wrote a premature, cruel and unusual death sentence for all fifteen thousand of the halibut. These attacks were supposedly carried out by the Animal Liberation Front (ALF). Boy, those fish are liberated now. Here's a special message from me to the ALF dickheads: "Hey, ALF dickheads! If my life is ever in danger--PLEASE--don't 'help' me, just wait for somebody who's a little...., well, smarter--to come along."

"It's OK to eat fish, because they don't have any feelings."
-Kurt Cobain
Thursday, September 21, 2006
A Quick and Well Deserved Pat on the Back
This is just a brief note to show a touch of respect for a couple of partisan hacks who decided to shed their hackery for a moment to promote a better good:

Chuck Rangel, Nancy Pelosi, you may not hear me say this again, but THANK YOU. Many of your peers are basking in the glow of the fact that Hugo Chavez has translated your normal talking points into Spanish in front of the UN and the New York poor. You, however, took the higher ground.

I know you normally mean to fuck-over folks like me, but your demonstrated fraternity with our President is refreshing.

Rangel:

"You don't come into my country, you don't come into my congressional district and criticize my president, " Rangel said from Capitol Hill.

He added that "it would be crazy to think that Americans do not feel offended" by Chavez's remarks.

You rock, sir.....this time. Please accept the humblest of thanks from one of your most vocal critics, as we all realize George Bush does NOT need the help of the likes of Chavez to look a fool.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Spectacular Blog Alert!!!
I happened across an unfamiliar blog a few minutes ago, and it has got me rolling. The blog is called "Ahsoon.net," and Chinglish is a delightful illustration of exactly how little the Chinese actually know about English, or Western Culture for that matter. Here are a few fine examples of what you'll find:

I've Always Kinda Felt This Way About Hummers
Click the image below to see a readable version of this hilarious comic.

Yeah, That's About The Size Of It...

A cool little Life Rant from Suspiria.org:

Apologize For Calling Me Violent Or I'll Kill You

I'm only guessing here, but I'm pretty sure that in any of the Middle Eastern languages there must not be a word that means the same as the word "IRONY" in English.

On the heels of the Pope's comments concerning the violent aspects of Islam's founding (forced conversion or death), Muslims across the Middle East have expressed outrage that he would falsely accuse "The religion of peace" of such things by:

- Burning the Pope in effigy.
- Burning 7 Christian churches to the ground.
- Murdering a Catholic nun.
- Threatening that this will lead to war.

If I didn't know better, I'd think this came from one of the sarcastic articles at TheOnion.com or a Saturday Night Live skit, but sadly (or is that frighteningly?) it's for real.





Yeah, that about sums it up.
Insufferable Pricks Stuff
Just to shore-up the Insufferable Pricks Party's official position on gay marriage, here's some stuff from Craig's List that is hard to argue with. Before the list, here is the Insufferable Pricks platform position on the topic:

Gay Rights

What makes you think we care where you stuff your man-yams? With the $700 million we won’t earmark to move railroad tracks, you will be able to buy a locking door. Go nuts.

OK, here's the list:

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong


01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

El Diablo!


After listening to this Yutz's speech today in OUR country, it sure does make me yearn for the good ol' days when we could just bribe some south american opposition group to ventilate his head with large caliber ammunition.

Monday, September 18, 2006
Fungus Found!
To anyone out there with experience in the identification of wild mushrooms: HELP! I have no idea if these things are edible, but they sure are big. I almost ran over them with my lawn mower. Can I eat them?

ACHMED, BRING ME THE MARSHMALLOWS

Just a peaceful little get together amongst Muslim friends.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
The Geneva Conventions And Common Sense
Talk about an issue blown completely out of proportion. The only reason this is a hot button issue, is because it is being used as a political stick in the eye of the administration. Does anybody seriously believe we will EVER encounter an enemy in the future that will abide by the conventions? Of course not, they will cut off heads on TV and blow up funerals and wedding receptions and never think twice.

We on the other hand will never do that. We'll capture people, and we'll rough 'em up and we'll waterboard 'em. We'll blast loud music and make 'em talk. But we won't torture them.

We're not like them. We are not savages. We are not living in the 15th century. We're fair with our prisoners. Don't fall prey to the democrats and left wing nuts who keep telling the rest of the world WE are bad, WE are torturors, We are the problem.

I honestly don't think they have any idea how much damage they've done, justbecause they hate one guy....That's what it's all about.. My kids' security so you can beat someone you don't like.

Democrats of today would do well to realize, there will be a democrat in the white house again, and that president will have to live with the many reckless and harmfull decisions being made by todays democratic leadership...Then we'll REALLY be in deep shit, because your own guy is going to have to tell you and the American people what you've known all along, that we need all those tools you fought so hard to get rid of to keep our country safe.

The Geneva Conventions simply don't make any difference anymore, it's a moot point.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Test Your History I.Q.
My mom emailed this to me, I thought it was funny. The test answers will be revealed in a later post.

Do you remember?

1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by:
a. Superman
b. Jay Lenno
c. Harry Potter
d. Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40

2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by:
a. Olga Corbett
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:
a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:
a. The Smurfs
b. Davy Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by:
a. Captain Kidd
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

8. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from Wild Bill' s women problems
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take out the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and
the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed by:
a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
b. The Supreme Court of Florida
c. Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
a. Bonnie and Clyde
b. Captain Kangaroo
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremist s mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

14. 2004 Spain Railway bombings
a. Wesley Snipes
b. The Queens of the Stone Age
c. Captain Kangaroo
d.Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

15. 2005 London Railway bombings
a. Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson
b. Brangelina
c. Cher's Tits
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

And yet, we're being reprimanded for the use of the term "Islamofascist" in reference to these shitbags? Sorry, I don't buy it.

Thursday, September 14, 2006
Coming Soon

....then it's time to dig another one.

Thursday, September 28th, 2006, Martin's Allstars will celebrate their 2nd anniversary with a special Pink Floyd tribute. We will be playing Dark Side of the Moon in its entirety.

www.martinsallstars.com for more details.
WELCOME TO THE VIEW
Having the been "Queen of Nice" on afternoon TV for years, I've got to wonder what turned this previously pleasant fuzz-bumper into a ranting raving down right nasty flat-cocker.

Her early stand-up career was really pretty good, it made her famous and landed her a TV show and some so-so movie roles all the while earning her millions. One would think she was happy, able to do or buy whatever she wanted.

Evidently fame and fortune had the opposite effect on the now brazenly butch bikini waxer. She's spouted off on everything from gun control to Lindsay Lohan. Then this week she tops it all off with her comments on The View ....."Radical Christianity is every bit as dangerous as Radical Islam." Now if THAT don't get ya the love and respect of your fellow Americans I just don't know what will.

Ya think Barbara Walters might be thinking WTF?
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Giggle Giggle Quack, Giggle Oink, Giggle Cluck
OK, the title has nothing to do with the post, given. EXCEPT....the giggling part. He he he.

I guess it was briefly rumored that those crafty bastards and bastardettes over at Air America had a new "Restructuring Strategy" which evidently includes those strong economic indicators bankruptcy and employee layoffs. Great news, investors! Sounds like some cheap shares of this outhouse-smelling enterprise are available!

Think Progress euphemistically bastardized the original story by calling the Titanic-like predicament a "major restructuring," complete with "significant personnel changes" and "no severance pay (ooops, how did that slide in there?)."

However, a short time later, an update was posted indicating that the rumors were all false and that "No decision has been taken to make any filing of any kind..."

So let me read between the lines for all of you, my loyal readers:

Air America is in the tank again. Insiders at the company say it's so, so it's probably so. However, even dying companies need to maintain some semblance of a revenue streams to make whatever's left of the rotting corpse of their entrepreneureal idea marketable to the next arrogant chump with more money than brains.

You see, nobody would buy a radio station that didn't have any advertising clients. It would be worthless. Likewise, a national radio station with a desperately low market share has to really suck the proverbial cock to lure potential advertisers to the table. Now, when the smell of dead flesh begins to permeate the corporate atmosphere within this dynamic, the advertisers pack up and bail out, as they do not wish to be used as bargaining chips during the brokerage of a buyout or bankruptcy or whatever the morons want to call this little "shuffling of the deck."

Sooooo, we can logically deduce that once word hit the street about the possible bankruptcy, advertisers began pulling out (which in this case is a FINE method of contraception). The Powers That Be over at Airheads America had to instantly shore-up their defenses to prevent a massive exodus of their advertising dollars, whereby protecting whatever limited assets the company actually does have.

Q: So what's the moral of the story?

A: If you're going to spend every waking hour of your adult life crusading against the evils of Corporate Greed and Capitalism, then large-scale entrepreneureal ventures might not be the proper avenue for you. This is the only way I can explain the reason somebody thought it would be a good idea to use Jerry Springer as the flagship of their programming effort.

I guess we'll see if I'm right or not. Either way, I don't give a shit, but it's still fun to place some wagers with my wife the Democrat about such trivial stuff.

BTW, Randi Rhodes, if you are reading: I did read in the paper that one of the local Goodwill stores is looking for a cashier...all you have to do is fill out an application...




Breaking Point: Shorter Craig
Craig has finally reached the point of total meltdown. I suspect it's just the result of his relentless shilling for Tom Hayhurst, and conversely, Mr. Hayhurst's inability or unwillingness to shill for himself.

Either way, there's nothing quite like watching a lunatic's meds wear off at an inconvenient time...

It reminds me of a couple of other notable meltdowns:

Howard Dean



Bill O'Reilly





Update 9/14/2006: Craig took his meds today, he's better.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
PLAMES FLAMES OUT-LOCAL LEFTIES CONFOUNDED!
I know this is asking a lot, but I think EVERYONE should be given a chance to redeem themselves, especially those liberals who fell prey to the misguided couple at left. While I know the local left bloggers peek in here from time to time, I realize they would rather die than admit they were wrong (especially in writing) but I offer this opportunity to cleanse their souls and prove that they are "stand up" guys by admitting they were wrong. Now that we know Armitage was Novaks' source (not Carl Rove or Dick Cheney) will you guys come forward and at least apologize for defaming public servants? ( I borrowed that line from Left Outside With The Cat In Aboite in his rant about The Path To 9-11).........Damian, The Left Handed Jacker was particularly vehement in his indictment of Rove & Cheney, as was the ever ethereal and flashback prone RR from "Left of Centrist- next to Camp Gitchigoomy".

How about it boys? Do you have the stones to admit you wrong about this one?
Monday, September 11, 2006
I Really Do Hate To Dwell....
But I woke up giggling like a school girl last night. I still had this picture from www.bucknuts.com burned into my mind:


Sorry, I just had to do that.
Here You Go, My Hungry Friends
Here are the deleted scenes from "The Path to 9/11" via Throw Away Your TV.

I personally don't understand what all the hype was about.









Left wing limosine liberal John Rockefeller (of the Standard Oil Rockefellers) now admits, He, the Democratic Party, The American people, the entire intelligence community worldwide, and the governments of virtually all free countries in the world, was duped by President George W. Bush into a war with Iraq. Now I'm confused, what do the Dems really believe? That "W" is the dumbest
man on the face of the earth (which they've espoused every freakin day for 6 years) or is he the evil genius that fooled all the world just to avenge his fathers enemy? No matter, whichever theory Rockefeller claims to subcsribe to, it's pretty clear both scenarios are more the subject matter for Marvel Comic Books than for real life.

Seriously, look at his comments in print and it leaves just two conclusions:

1. He is either one of the dumbest mother f*#kers on the face of the earth.

OR

2. He thinks his constituents are the dumbest motherf&*kers on the face of the earth.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
No Dog In The Fight....But Damn It's Interesting!
The title says it all. I have absolutely no vested interest in this little pissing match, but I can honestly say that Kevin Knuth may have seriously fucked up this time (ok ok, again). For Knuth to be marching head-first into a battle of wits with Bartleby (totally unarmed, I might add), is just a stupid idea. But good golly it's a great show! Stay tuned...a winner will be announced soon!

Let's do a quick recap of the action so far, just to catch everyone up.

1st Strike: Bartleby sends an email to Dr. Tom Hayhurst (I guess he's a local political candidate for something or another...but I haven't heard any ads so I don't remember for what office). Bartleby is attempting to acertain Hayhurst's position on a couple of issues which don't seem to be addressed by the "issues" tab on his web page.

Then, a dead calm. Bartleby begins to wonder WTF Dr. Tom thinks he's up to, since he isn't responding to a very straightforward question from a potential constituent. Seems reasonable.

Offense on another front. Bartleby decides to ask Kevin Knuth if he has a clue 1) If Hayhurst is still alive, well, and running for office and 2) Does [Knuth] perhaps know what, if any, position Dr. Tom holds with respect to Dubya's Middle East Crusades. Knuth responds with some mealy mouthed drivel about "well, we can't help Hayhurst thanks to McCain/Feingold blah blah blah," he never answers Bartleby's question and then proceeds to admonish him based on what he believes to be Bartleby's voting record!!! Can you believe the nerve of this jerkoff??? What an amazing asshole.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure if Bartleby so decides, he'll leave Knuth crying in the corner and ready for a straight jacket and a strong dose of Phenol Barbitol...we'll see.

Here's my problem with this crappola: If the Allen County Democratic Party can offer no assistance to the Hayhurst campaign, then WTF are they doing here???
It appears to me that ACDP is clearly trying to staff Hayhurst's events for him....isn't that "help?" If not, then surely it wouldn't be any more helpful if Knuth would just answer the fucking question, right?

Oh well, not my battle to fight, win, lose etc. Just mine to watch and laugh. My money is on Bartleby, though. He has twice the political prowess and ten times the intellect of Knuth. Oh, BTW, Mr. Knuth, should you be reading (we know you are), all of the links you have been putting on your half-assed blog are broken. You seem to be adding an extra ")." to the end of each for some reason.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Deja Vous
Tim posted a piece about governmental censorship of television programming recently that had a somewhat unsettling image embedded...and I wasn't entirely sure why I was so bothered by it, at first. The more I looked at it, the more I realized I had seen it before. Here was the picture Tim published:












Naturally, I had to do some head scratching to see if I could activate enough brain cells to figure out why this picture was so....creepy (other than the obvious "halo" effect that is damned near blasphemy considering who it is and all). Then it struck me...












So, with a little help from Reuters photography hack Adnan Hajj, we get this:












Or even better, THIS:












I still think the original is creepier.
Hell Yes.
The Buckeyes stomped some Longhorn ass, 24-7.

I have literally been foaming at the mouth for this rematch since the final buzzer at the end of last year's OSU v. Texas game.

I just about changed the channel tonight while watching the pre-game chicanery...you know, the daffy nonsense where the talking heads act like they know what's gonna transpire during the game and make their "picks?" Yeah, that worthless dog turd Lee Corso put on the Longhorns helmet signifying that he believed Texas to be the likely victor.

Let me clear my throat....ahem....hmm.....

Eat a dick, Lee Corso.
Friday, September 08, 2006

Is it just me or does anyone else find this absolutely hysterical? Larry, Curley, and Moe here co-authored a not so veiled threat letter to ABC/Disney in r/e "The Path To 9-11" asking that it be edited or pulled. What do you suppose would happen if you asked the same of Michael Moore, Spike Lee or Oliver Stone? I personally don't care if they run the movie or not, it's not something I would watch anyway (still too fresh in my mind) but it's certainly not my place to ask the network to edit it to my liking or change the story to fit my politics.

It's s*it like this that makes most thinking Americans just cringe. These three whistledicks
are SO blatantly partisan and self-serving, it should make real democrats just plain embarrassed.
What a relief, I'm sure all of America was as anxious as I was to know where Brad & Angelina stood on gay marriage. Now, thankfully we can all get back to the less pressing issues of the day.


As my 11 year old daughter likes to say "Get Over Yourself "

SHEESH
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I'm So Glad I'm Not The Only One....

....Who feels like this (From the LA Times):

Joel Stein: Elmo Is an Evildoer

The self-obsessed Sesame Street Muppet is destroying all that is holy on children's TV.
August 15, 2006


ELMO REFUSED to be interviewed for this column. I consider this to be a supreme act of cowardice. And it doesn't surprise me one bit. Elmo is an annoying tool.

Yes, I know that children love Elmo. But children are idiots. That's why we don't let them have jobs. Could you imagine an office full of children? They'd spend all day telling dumb jokes and talking about their poop. It would be like it was before women entered the workplace.

"Sesame Street" — which still has sharp, funny writing — is being destroyed by idiot cuteness. Not only is the patronizing, baby-talking Elmo usurping most of the hour, but "Sesame Street" — which debuted its 37th season Monday — added its first new female Muppet in 13 years: the sparkly haired, tutu-wearing, button-nosed, pink-skinned fairy goddaughter Abby Cadabby. Her shaky magic skills get her in situations she needs to get bailed out of, like the anti-"Bewitched."

Plus, she's got that creepy, throaty, little-girl Lindsay Lohan kind of voice, and a Paris Hilton-esque catchphrase: "That's so magic." When I watched "Sesame Street" in the '70s, the human cast and the Muppets were quirky adults who didn't talk down to me with baby voices. Now the human cast gets almost no airtime, and the show is dominated by Elmo, Baby Bear and, now, Abby Cadabby — preschoolers enamored by their own adorable stupidity.

The lesson they teach — in opposition to Oscar, Big Bird, Grover or Bert — is that bland neediness gets you stuff much more easily than character. We are breeding a nation of Anna Nicole Smiths.

I am not the only one who hates Elmo. Vernon Chatman and John Lee, the creators of MTV2's dark "Sesame Street" parody, "Wonder Showzen," think the evil red one is destroying the show.

"Elmo doesn't grow. People show him something and he laughs. He doesn't learn a lesson," says Lee. "It's the exact opposite of what old 'Sesame Street' used to do. Elmo has been learning the same lesson his whole life, which is that Elmo likes Elmo."

Chatman, who refers to Elmo as the Jar Jar Binks of "Sesame Street," worries that Elmo teaches kids to care only about themselves.

"Elmo is just a baby-voiced, self-obsessed character who is only concerned with Elmo," says Lee. "He just passively observes things: 'Elmo is looking at a sandwich. Elmo is eating a sandwich. Elmo is crapping out the sandwich and writing his name on the wall with it.' " The last celebrity to so obsessively refer to himself in the third person was Richard Nixon.

Whereas Count Von Count markets math and Oscar markets the acceptability of negative emotions, Elmo, brilliantly, just markets Elmo, leading him to be the show's cash cow, or whatever misshapen animal he's supposed to be.

I question not only Abby Cadabby but all of Elmo's associates. You may recall that Elmo testified before Congress about music education. But you may not remember who requested Elmo's appearance: Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham, now in jail for taking at least $2.4 million in bribes. I'm not implying that Elmo has taken dirty money, but these are the kind of people Elmo surrounds himself with.

I understand that "Sesame Street" has to compete in a Nickelodeon-Disney Channel-Wiggles-Pixar universe. In fact, the new episodes start with " 'Sesame Street' is brought to you by the following … " and then, instead of gently mocking consumerism by listing letters and numbers, they actually show real spots for McDonald's, Beaches resorts, Pampers and EverydayKidz.com — the last of which apparently helps children spell only if they want to be rappers.

I desperately don't want the show to go away, so I know they can't afford to run the "Elmo accidentally drank bleach and died" episode. Instead, they need to simply take Elmo and his buddies and give them their own hourlong show for the idiot spawn. Then put Luis, Gordon and the cool Muppets on their own half-hour "Classic Sesame" for the kids who will one day actually contribute to our society.

Whichever of the two shows you watched would serve as a convenient litmus test for the rest of your life. "Which 'Sesame Street' did you watch?" will be code on college applications, Internet dating and job applications. Blue and red states will be divided not by presidential choices, but by Grover and Elmo.

If we can't save all the kids, let's at least save the ones who can master speaking in first-person. The rest we'll use for reality TV stars.


YES, YES, FSCKING YES!!! I can't add anything to this article. I'm just thrilled that somebody else thinks of Elmo as an irritating narcissist with a penchant for abhorrent grammar. I would furthermore describe Elmo as a nauseating, vacuous little image whore, trampling the flower beds in what has otherwise been a brilliant 37 seasons. My vote? Boot the little bastard. The "bleach thing" would be far too tame, IMHO.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Letters From Afghanistan: Fort Wayne Style
The following letter(s) were written by Rick Schwaiger, a local International employee who is currently on a tour of duty in Afghanistan. I'll not offer any commentary or spin on this, his letters are really quite telling without my usual vitriolic harmonies.

From: Schwaiger, Richard T USA MAJ USA 219th ASG [mailto:Richard.T.Schwaiger@afghan.swa.army.mil]
Sent: Wednesday, August 30, 2006 1:09 PM
Subject: FW: DASH-A 08-06: ANA Basic Trng

Here’s a simple article I think all Americans would and should find interesting. For some reason the general media organizations don’t seem to report on this type of topic that may be perceived as positive. They actively are choosing to not report this information. If ever public accusations should be leveled against a person or organization for misleading the American people, it’s our own media that has the most to answer to, not the current administration. The military presents the material as a public press release, but the media don’t report on it. They also could easily have their reporters find similar material on their own, especially since it’s more prevalent than the negative news they choose to broadcast and publish. However if it doesn’t involve dead or wounded U.S. military personnel, any civilian casualties, anything damaging or controversial to U.S. foreign policy or the administration, or any Hollywood-like explosions they don’t seem to be interested in reporting it.

Americans would be amazed at all the positive activity and development going on in Afghanistan and especially the attitudes of the Afghan people…if they only had a chance to be exposed to it. The past 6.5 months have validated what my thoughts were before deploying. The only people who have the information to make an accurate assessment or form a fact-based opinion of the current conflicts the U.S. is involved in are those people who have deployed to those locations (i.e. Afghanistan, Iraq, Djibouti, Guantanamo Bay, and many other locations of conflict or where there’s a need for a U.S. military presence around the world). These soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines have invested and continue to invest a significant amount of their lives in these locations. Some of them have even given their lives as the ultimate sacrifice. Why on earth would they voluntarily and willingly do this? I don’t expect everything they’d say would be positive, but it’d be much more representative of the actual status. They know the situation on the ground. It’s certainly not a bed of roses otherwise we wouldn’t be here, but it’s also not the quagmire or stalled action portrayed on the U.S. evening news, on the front page of most newspapers nor on their editorial pages. The information available in the U.S. and throughout the world has been actively filtered by a relatively select few media owners and editors. They wield substantial power and influence in the pursuit of profits (remember they’re businesses like Ford, Proctor & Gamble, AT&T, etc.) while portraying their professionals as the honest, objective, gumshoe reporters who just report the facts (albeit the ones they select and how they choose to portray them).

Don’t you wonder what goes on in the life of some typical Afghans during their daily activities? A young mother, a businessman, a student, a civil servant, a soldier, a laborer, or children. What do these people think about the U.S. and Coalition Forces presence in their country? How have their country and their lives changed during the past several years? What do they think about their future? You’d think that after almost 5 years that knowledge would be researched, published and commonly available and known to you. We’ve invested a lot of time, money, and the lives of U.S. military members in the effort. However it’s much, much easier to find out which celebrities are having affairs, what dress a Hollywood star wore to an awards banquet, and other trivial gossip which frankly makes little if any contribution to society. That’s a disappointing testament to our culture and supposedly progressive enlightenment.

Here’s a link to the CFC-A (Combined Forces Command – Afghanistan) website. http://www.cfc-a.centcom.mil/ Spend some time reading the reports and stories on it when you can. It’s real and accurate information. Believe me, the Army isn’t sending troops around the country and into harms way just to pose for a few choice photos for an article. I personally know some of these soldiers and their units’ missions. These are just a sampling of the missions and achievements that are being executed and realized every single day for the past several years. Why isn’t your favorite newspaper or television news program reporting it to you? I suggest bookmarking the site and periodically checking it out.

Okay, I’ll step down from my soapbox. However now that I’ve seen and experienced these discrepancies first-hand, I feel it’s my duty as an American to help inform my fellow citizens in the absence of objective and accurate reporting. As a soldier in Afghanistan I’m an ambassador of the United States of America; in American I have a similar obligation to be a representative of what’s happening here.

The comments below were made by members of the U.S. Army leadership directly involved with assisting the ANA (Afghan National Army) to become a professional army.

Rick

P.S. The views and opinions above are mine and are not to be construed as official U.S. Army or military policy or opinion and all the other standard legal disclaimers…

P.P.S. I encourage you to consider forwarding this information to friends, family, and co-workers who you think would benefit from it, especially if they’re of voting age

Subject: FW: DASH-A 08-06: ANA Basic Trng

About 900 to 1000 ANA soldiers graduate from Basic Training every month. Month by month the ANA is truly becoming a professional National Army. No longer are they identified with different tribes, instead they are part of one Army that has a mission to defend their nation and their people. The ceremony in the attached article depicts a commitment on their part to serve and bleed if necessary in their commitment to the nation and their religion.
Before moving on to advanced individualized training, Afghan National Army trainees celebrate the completion of basic training with a ceremony routed deep in tradition and faith. The new soldiers complete an 18-kilometer road march around Ghar Mountain. Upon completion of the march, they are cheered on and greeted by new recruits who have just begun their training. The next morning, the soldiers take their oath of enlistment, swearing their allegiance to Allah and Afghanistan. The ceremony marks the end of one training, and the beginning of much more for ANA members.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
**WHEW** (Thank God For Global Warming!)
NEW HOME UPDATE #1 (as if anybody cares):

Well, I have just mowed my new lawn for the first time since buying it. Took me a little under 3 hours (I could have done it faster, but I was mowing at a low speed to attempt a nice aesthetic appeal). I still haven't mowed the patches around the pool (I hate to have all those clippings just blow right into the water...plus I have to use a push mower for that part).

Anyway, with the current temperature hanging in there at scarcely over 70 degrees, I can't imagine what a miserable job this would have been if not for Global Warming (yes, I've determined that it now warrants capitalization, as I think it has reached Proper Nounitude...or would that be Proper Nounhood? Proper Nounliness? Fsck it...) Were our atmosphere not riddled with extra greenhouse gasses, airborne particulate matter, permeations in the ozone layer etc., it would have been somewhere around 48 degrees today, right? Thanks to Global Warming, I got to ride my Honda mower around the yard in shorts and a t-shirt.

I know this seems a little too "suburbanite" for me, considering my recent tirade...but I've gotta get some new batteries for my digital camera to help with a few visual aids for everybody...I've got some new neighbors that make me feel like a SUBURBAN GOD, even considering my relatively high level of contempt for such status.

Happy Labor Day Weekend!!! I may go for a swim. First, I have to go empty all of the old aerosol cans I seem to have acquired as part of the package deal I got on my house. Gotta keep Global Warming awake as long as possible this autumn.