Sunday, July 30, 2006
Announcing "Camp Camping!"
After much deliberation, we of the J4TR board of directors feel that we have been missing out on an opportunity to promote many important agendas. It has come to our attention that the modern "camp" is a vastly popular and effective tool in promoting idealism for many different viewpoints, agendas and ideals.

First, we had "Camp Casey." Evidently, this was a popular gathering of anti-war types to protest the U.S. lead Iraqi "liberation." Then, we had "Camp Casey II," which was a drastically smaller and less publicized event, with generally the same talking points as Camp Casey version 1. Local do-gooders even went so far as to bring the important work of the Casey Camps to Fort Wayne. However, the local version didn't exactly bring out the numbers everyone had hoped. In fact, hindsight tells us that perhaps camping in a parking lot may have been somewhat of a mistake. It has also been suggested that a less downtrodden neighborhood might be a consideration for the next local "camp" event.

Looking forward, we have Camp Casey III on the horizon! And yes, this will be a fully accredited and endorsed version of Camp Casey, with all of the usual suspects presumably in attendance including Momma Sheehan herself, and likely some of her henchmen. Also, it has come to our attention that Camp Democracy is going to be a highly attended black-tie affair, so we're packing our tuxedos and Deep Woods Off spray already. Apparently, camping for peace is becoming a widespread thingy. Even Hebrews and Palestinians have a co-operative peace camp (enrollment for 2006 still open, according to the website).

With all of this in mind, it is my distinctive pleasure to announce the first-annual Just For The Record Camp Camping! That's right, we are hosting a camp to promote the one thing that has been the silent victim in all of this "Camp-This" and "Camp-That" hullabaloo...the actual recreational passtime of camping!

Camp Camping will be a three day event starting Sept. 29th and ending on October 1st. There are a variety of possible venues to host Camp Camping, with the final determination being made once we have reached the registration deadline. Each location is within an easy drive of Fort Wayne (probably less than an hour for most people locally) and will likely have at least limited access to modern amenities such as shower, head and refrigerator. Camp Camping has rules, so here they are:

1. No protesting, unless your cooler runs out of beer. Even then, only silent protest is permitted as you are the only one to blame.

2. No campfire songs with modern-day implications. We already know how most of the country feels about George Bush, please don't fsck up my "happy drunk" by reproducing old protest songs with zippy new **era-appropriate** lyrics. Anything from the Alice In Chains album Jar of Flies is gleefully permitted.

3. Don't bring CD's unless you don't mind losing them. I touch the stereo...period. If you don't want my fingerprints on your CD's (or possibly to watch them take flight into the nearest body of water), don't get them out.

3.1.0. I don't give a rats ass how cool "track 3" is, if the band/artist sucks, I'm chucking the whole disc toward the lake.
3.1.1. If it says anything about "Larry the Cable Guy" on it, consider it fish food.
3.1.2. If you own anything by Melissa Etheridge, see rule 3.1.1

4. Alcoholic beverages may be consumed and shared by people of legal drinking age. This does NOT mean I will be sharing mine, but feel free to ask.

5. You will not be asked your political affiliation at any point during the camp for the purposes of fundraising.

6. Bring some food, I will cook it for you. I'll bring the charcoal, the grill, and some potatoes. If you want anything fancier, bring it along.

The preceding rules may be modified via addendum, deletion or simple trickery at any time during the run-up to Camp Camping. There will be a $10 per car parking fee which will be used to purchase a keg, cups and ice for all of-age campers to share. Additional funds will be put toward additional kegs. A special PayPal account will be set up this week to start collecting these parking fees and passes will be mailed to you well in advance of the event.

So join us at Camp Camping! Give the word "camp" back to its rightful owner, the word "CAMPing!" If you believe in Camping, you must camp with us. We faithfully support your rights! The right to camp in peace without mindless anti-stuff mantra echoing throught the serenity of the campsite...the right to publicly urinate without fear of persecution or prosecution, the freedom to drink recklessly without hurting anyone but yourself...the freedom to tell any stories you want, making up any details you wish, without anyone fact-checking your ass via Google...the freedom to smoke cigars in public without anyone bitching about the smell...

Come and get it...Camp Camping is for you. Click here to RSVP. Please leave your name, how many guests, how many tents, and how many vehicles you will be bringing. We look forward to seeing you all.

Peace.
Another Unsurprising Political Test
See the red dot? That's me. I don't even know why I keep taking these tests, except maybe to pass some time and test the accuracy of the various tests out there. So far, they've all pegged me in about the same spot:

1. I don't really care what people do with their genitals, their drugs, their land or whatever, as long as nobody else has to suffer adverse consequences of the aforementioned activities.

2. I refuse to foot the bill for the poor choices of others.

Thanks to Doug Masson for the link.

Thursday, July 27, 2006
Bartleby Hops On The Scat Wagon
Bartleby thinks I'm a pig. Oink.

Correction, Bartleby thinks I'm a feces-obsessed moron. To some degree, Bartleby is right. I do, in fact, think poop is absolutely hilarious (not for sexual gratification as Bartleby suspects). Also, I am in reality a moron. BUT, yesterday Bartleby got all fired up on a topic that I couldn't care less about, but he made a few amazing points!

In his post Shit Sandwich, he discusses the unusual political posture assumed by one William Jefferson Clinton. You see, Mr. Clinton decided to make himself the #1 most influential shill for Joe Lieberman, who according to most Democrats is supposedly the devil or some such nonsense. The Lieberman angle on this thing really wasn't the focus of Bartelby's rage, rightfully so. I would, however, like to make the observation that I think I understand why why many Dems find Lieberman so distasteful. Bartleby makes his opinion clear in the post, but I'm talking about the majority of Democrats here...here's what I think. I think Lieberman scares the shit out of Democrats because he's honest, and they aren't used to seeing honesty from their political tribe.

Honest Democrats appear remarkably like Republicans.

This same sentiment works on the other side of the aisle, as well. Republicans have strayed so far toward Totalitarianism and theocracy that many people who used to call themselves "Republicans" can barely stand the humiliation of what their tribe has become.

Honest Republicans appear remarkably like Libertarians.

Anyway, on to Bartleby's tirade (which was AWESOME):

Bartleby quotes a portion of Clinton's sales pitch for Lieberman in which [Clinton] said the following:
Clinton made no effort to support Lieberman's view; instead he said that Democrats should bear no blame for "the mistakes that were made after the fall of Saddam Hussein" and added: "We can disagree on what we do next . . . but we can fight together and we can go forward together."
Bizarre quote, right? Not for Clinton. It's the same ridiculous fucking "Who, Me?" twaddle that he's used his entire career (in conjunction with puppy dog eyes and staged pulpit appearances at churches far and wide) to sweep his many improprieties and disingenuous statements under the proverbial rug. Sound familiar? (...ahem, DUBYA)

Bartleby continues:
Democrats should bear no blame for our savory national shit sandwich* in Mesopotamia? Au contraire, Mr. Former Maximum Supervisor; Democrats as a party are fully, completely complicit. Own it, donkeys: either you've been in substantial agreement -- or you've been afraid to oppose Bush's imperial project. The exact details vary from one jackass to the next, and one or two individuals may have consistently opposed the war ... but as a party -- as a money-eating, vote-buying machine -- you are exactly as guilty as the GOP. In fact, as I do not tire of saying, you and the pachyderms are simply two very-slightly-different caucuses in the overarching U.S. Party of War and Global Management.
Emphasis Bartleby's.

I especially like the "money-eating, vote-buying machine" line. I almost came out of my chair in applause.

Right on, Bartleby. We'll all forgive your usage of foul language, because your content is fucking awesome.

WALTER MATTHAU LOOK ALIKE BUYS LAND IN CRAWFORD TX

In her neverending battle to stretch 15 minutes into a new career, Cindy Sheehan has purchased 5 acres in Crawford Texas with life insurance proceeds from her sons' death to set up camp until President Bush is impeached or his term is up. Nice. Really nice.

While I find this mildly "creepy" she claims( of course) Casey would approve. That poor kid must be turning over in his grave everyday as his mother just melts down.

Obviously, I never knew him, but my hunch is, any kid that volunteered, served, and re-upped to serve in Iraq again would have to think this lady is out of her freakin' mind.

Just another grand example of the "blame somebody else" logic all to popular in todays' America.

In everyones life there comes a time when you should just sit down and shut the f@ck up.

It's Cindys' time.....
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Do You Think?
Do you think if I had played more video games as a kid I'd be more passive-aggressive now? I really didn't play too many video games...and I think that's why I have a penchant for blogging that many people in my age bracket lack.

I was absolutely the WORST at video baseball. Last time I tried it was when MLB'98 was a hot ticket...and I got smoked, straight up. Of course, I really do despise baseball. I'd rather watch paint dry.

Blogging is my video game. It's much like actual video games in several ways. First, I am staring blankly at a screen. I also have no idea what's coming next. The keystrokes have to be slightly more deliberate, and the finishing moves don't spray blood all over everything, but the stories are elaborate and far-fetched, the adversaries fall anywhere from feeble to worthy, and the the glassy eyes that you have at the end of the night look and feel exactly the same as those from the old-skool days of Vegetative Mortal Kombat.

Not sure why I blogged this, just thought it was funny...me, the "no video games" guy, captivated by the spell of what is possibly the most addictive video game. Go figure.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
More Changes To Come...

OK, I've (obviously) got the basic facelift for the site done (only took me about 3 hours to build this fine template, and I have very few holes left to fill in!). However, I'm tired, it's late and I have a very busy day tomorrow, so I'm cashing out. Here's a few funny ass posts from some of my favorite blogs to keep you busy, though.

Smantix goes on a fine tirade.


Samantha talks tits.


Mitch buys the beer.



Watch this last link, it's foul. Don't say I didn't warn you.


Liberals can't take a joke. Or can they? Let's find out!


I'll be back, when the day is new, and I'll have more ideas for you!
You'll have things you'll want to talk about, I....will....too!
You've Got Hate Mail!
I got this from a fan of the site today, it made me laugh:



-----Original Message-----
From: dave roach [mailto:dcroach@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 25, 2006 1:29 PM
To: thekaduks@verizon.net
Subject: too bad you werent in "line of fire"


hey jackass- If there was a God, you would have been in the crossfire. maybe the sniper missed you; because nobody else would.(from what the other blogs say about you) but jesus loves everybody. Even jerks such as you.
hahaha.
have a nice day..butthead.
Roach













like my typewriter art?-




Yeah, Roach, I like the ASCII Klansman, that's quaint. Do you sign that to all of your letters?


NUTJOB CALLS FOR RESOLUTION, BUT WILL HE ANSWER THE CALL?

Much like the small pieces of tissue entangled in the follicles of hair surrounding your posterior evacuation apparatus,
Congressman Dingleberry himself has once again attached himself to the sphincter of all thinking Americans.

Sure to be nominated again for the "Mr. Obvious" award this year, Rep. Kissmyassunich has proposed House Resolution 450.

The resolution calls upon the President (in laymens terms) to ask Hezbollah and Israel to please stop blasting the "bejesus" out of each other. It also asks that we send a "high level" diplomat to the middle east to ask them in person to play nice and to stop blasting the aforementioned "bejesus" out of each other.

I don't trust anyone else with a mission of this importance. I suggest we take up a collection to send the good Congressman to the middle east immediately! I think it only fair he get any credit (or shrapnel) . To make a contribution, just send your check or money order to: The Dennis Kucinich Fund For The Terminally Clueless. If you can't find an address, you could always check with Left of Centrist, I'm sure they have it on file.
Monday, July 24, 2006
What's Happenin' @ The Record
Sorry the posts have been sparse and, well, lame lately folks. There is good reason for it! I am toying with the idea of a complete overhaul of the look, feel, artwork and everything else here! Here's a few things that will NOT be changing:

1) Co-contributor Tim Zank will continue to thrill and amaze audiences with his candor and logic.

2) The tone will remain sarcastic and abrasive.

Here's some stuff that WILL be chaging:

1) Yours truly will be back like scoliosis...with lots more content and actual writing. I'll not be doing much more of that cut-and-paste nonsense. I have way too many valid opinions to waste my time worrying about what's going on in the minds of the moronic partisans.

2) Enhanced blogroll! I'll be upgrading my links and organizing them for a better, more user-friendly J4TR Command Console.

3) More utility! I intend to add links to truly useful stuff...you know, the kind of shit that everybody in Fort Wayne (or most people, anyway) can benefit from. You know, restaurant reviews, live music critique and recommendations...lots of fun stuff.

So anyway, check back as this week progresses, I'll be as swift as possible with my work and try to return The Record to a level of fun and functionality at the earliest possible time and date. I've gotta get warmed up for some big events, like football season, my birthday and The Record's first holiday season!

I promise, you ain't never seen no shit like this before (and probably won't again).
Thursday, July 20, 2006

Interesting isn't it? Americans' complaints about the conditions surrounding their evacuation from Lebanon would be hilarious if it weren't so sad.

Seems to me, if you are going to the Middle East for a vacation or an educational experience of sorts, you might already have a clue that your taking chances with your life, health and general welfare. There comes an inherent risk with dangerous(or just plain stupid) behavior one would think is unmistakable.

My own personal belief is, if your that brave, selfish, and just plain stupid, go ahead and go but please don't call me to bail your arse out, and if I do decide to help you out, for gods' sake be decent enough not to bitch about it. You are "entitled" to be an idiot, but you are not "entitled" to my help.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Awww Hell.
You Are a Chow Puppy

Don't fence me in!
You're an independent spirit that won't be tied down.


Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Darth Vader Goes Bat Shit
This is one of the funniest fscking things I've ever seen, bar none. It's almost ten minutes long, but since I won't be posting again until late this evening, consider it my "Away Message."

Seriously, watch the whole thing, it's worth it. H/T: Cranky @ 6MB

Democratic Congressman Gets REALLY Stupid on Marriage
Nevermind the so-called "threat" homosexuals pose to society, we should be going after ALL adulterous Americans with fists of rage!

At least that's what Rep. Lincoln Davis, D-TN had to say in explanation of his NAY vote on the proposed "Marriage Amendment" to the Constitution...it wasn't tough enough!

Says Davis:

Marriage is for life, and this amendment needs to include that basic tenant. Therefore, Mr. Speaker, I think we should expand the scope of the amendment to outlaw divorce in this country. Going further Mr. Speaker, I believe in fidelity. Adultery is an evil that threatens the marriage and the heart of every marriage, which is commitment.

How can we as a country allow adulterers to go unpunished and continue to make a mockery of marriage? Again by doing so, what lessons are we teaching our children about marriage? I certainly think that it shows we are not serious about protecting the institution and this is why I think the amendment should outlaw adultery and make it a felony. Additionally, Mr. Speaker, we must address spousal abuse and child abuse. Think of how many marriages end in a divorce or permanent separation because one spouse is abusive.

And, Mr. Speaker, I personally think child abuse may be the most despicable act one can commit. This is why if we are truly serious about protecting marriage to the point we will amend the constitution, we should extend the punishment of abuse to prevent those who do such a hideous act from ever running for an elected position anywhere.

We should also prevent those who commit adultery, or get a divorce, from running for office. Mr. Speaker, this House must lead by example. If we want those watching on CSPAN to actually believe we are serious about protecting marriage, then we should go after the other major threats to the institution. Not just the threat that homosexuals may some day be allowed to marry in a state other than Massachusetts. An elected official should certainly lead by example.




Heh. And some people say Republicans are the problem!?!? HEY, LINCOLN DAVIS: Have you forgotten what the Federal Government is for??? I don't think this qualifies you totalitarian fsckhead!


Here's the roll call from today's vote.

Here's a link to a video from Think Progress. I knew those jackasses would be good for something, someday!

UPDATE: Irregular Times looks into this....irregularity.

UPDATE PART DOS: Davis actually voted YEA, meaning it is most likely that his statements were serious. Wow...and people call me confused?
OK, That's Just Odd

Chinese Cat Funeral:

Follow the link to check out the whole sordid affair (including a pic of the deceased, postmortem). If you copy and paste the URL into the Babel Fish Translator by AltaVista and translate from Traditional Chinese to English, you can get a loose feel for some of the weirdness.

Enjoy.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Taking Out the Trash
I had intended some really neat posts today that would thrill and amaze everyone to the point of giggle-seizures, but I was presented with an interesting little puddle of literary urine in one of my comments sections that has lead me to drop the cool stuff from the menu for a little while to examine the antics of a seriously disturbed young man.

Anyone who has spent any length of time reading local Fort Wayne area blogs has likely encountered one or more of the venom-riddled instances of brainless mouth-flatus which seem to constantly emanate from he who calls himself "Damian the Left Hand Player." I've never paid Damian any mention by name here on The Record until now, simply because he offers little in the way of intellectual contribution to ANY discourse that may be underway...and that should say a lot considering our relative lack of any stimulating topic matter and the relatively crude state of affairs which is The Record.

ONWARD! Yesterday, I called to task Damian's ridiculous assertion that somehow Valerie Plame-0-Wilson's civil lawsuit (read: Gold-digging expedition) against the (so far) unindicted, untried and unconvicted EEEEVIL "leakers" would be some kind of victory for social justice in the name of the American People (read: The American Left). Cute conspiracy theory, right? Well, the first thing I get is Craig from the (semi) local blog All Taters, No Meat calling me names and questioning my observations, which really, is quite alright by me...he's been known to occasionally put me in my place and I'm fine with that. There was only one problem, and that's the fact that Craig immediately started reciting chapter and verse from the left's already-abandoned playbook using Scooter Libby's perjury indictment as the "proof" that the leak was not only illegal, but also a deliberate conspiracy to deflower Plame-o-Wilson's reputation and cost her a career. OK, well, last I checked, the primary focus of Pat Fitzgerald's work was to establish, try and convict treasonous, subversive individuals who intended to deliberately undermine the CIA and Plame's safety. The perjury indictment strikes me as a somewhat less-noble (and likewise less critical) pursuit, and not quite the moral victory the leftards were looking for. But does that stop Craig? Hell no! Full speed ahead, Captain Hazelwood!

Then, as not to miss out on the Kaduk-bashing bandwagon, Damian settles in to one of his (somewhat less than) famous incoherent tirades in the comments section of this post. Here's the comment he left:

Damian, the Left-Hand Player said ... (7/17/2006 01:45:10 PM) :

Oh, Andrew, you're silly.

You lie like the racist trolling dog you are and think I won't find out?

You think I didn't find out you send Dim Tank and Trollpig to my journal?

When you finally realize that being an immature little prick is only going to lead to trouble, maybe you'll have some semblance of a life. As it is, all you can do is be the child you are deep inside - which explains why you claim to be a Libertarian. Only someone who is, deep down, utterly immature would think that abolishing government is the way to freedom.

As for your little lying troll-boy butt-buddy, he's only shown that he's as stupid as a rock as about as gifted with a keyboard.

May both of you end up with horribly interesting lives.

Aah, isn't that eloquent? You see, Damian's quiver only has about two arrows in it on any given day, and he fired them both on this comment. First, he likes to call everyone who dares disagree with his shallow, unsubstantiated and unrefined world view a "liar," whether or not it fits in context (which it obviously doesn't here). Liar? Where exactly is the lie? I guess you would first have to believe in some ridiculously contrived conspiracy theory to jump to that kind of conclusion. Furthermore, does anyone have any idea what in the fsck he is talking about? It reads like the wall scratchings of a deranged prisoner who has been locked in a light-free room for 20 years. Perhaps the next sentence was supposed to read "All work and no play makes Damian...."

Anyway, he went on to post this nice article about the article Craig wrote about me.

Damian goes on to take credit for exposing the wrongness of the likes of me and J4TR co-contributor Tim Zank, further adding to the appearance of his confused delirium. Wanna know what Damian's really so pissed about? Here's a hint: It's not politics, it's not oppression or even the "war-mongering" of the current administration, it's simply the fact that he's a angry little kid with a shitty job and his opinion doesn't mean dick to anybody. Here's a quote from another of the overflowing litterboxes he calls "blogs:"

Yeah, I finally got a job. I started working at the Burger King in Auburn on Sunday. It's not great work, but I'm lucky enough to get the easy shift - no lunch rush, just dinner and closing. Granted, that means I have to stay in back and clean everything once the day is through, but I'd much rather do that than run my ass off doing other things. Best of all, I'm making $6/hour doing this.

Now if only I could find some way to keep my feet from hurting at the end of the day...

Excerpted from Damian's blog Vulgar Display of Mediocrity

Congratulations, turdcake! You got a job! But careful how you talk to the lad, you might get your Whopper spat upon (or worse)!

Anyway, I guess this explains a lot about Damian's reasons for throwing his weight about in the fashion he does (with what little weight he has). Everyone needs to be the ruler of their own kingdom and his kingdom is very small.

I'm confident that this post will incite yet another round of vulgar and unintelligible retaliations from those who we previously would not name, but I guess they will have to quit playing their little 2-man version of the waffle game long enough to type. I'm sure it won't be long now...

Anyway, here's a link to a blog where Damian talks about playing with toy robots and touts his amazing Dungeons and Dragons accomplishments. Here's a taste of what you'll get folks:

From July 12th:

I looted a Figurine of Mister Neil, the Sword of Wbkelley, the Crown of Megaspork, the Amulet of X86bsd, the Axe of Libertus1, the Sword of Emperornortonii, the Armour of Azrael2002, the Sceptre of Spawndeloki, the Shield of Lt Kitty, the Sword of the Eagles, a Figurine of Chalaine, the Wand of Lil Ms Drama, the Sword of Kumorigoe, the Sceptre of Hamburgers, the Armour of Gnosticdiva, the Amulet of Biggles7268, the Armour of Potterpuffs and 20 gold pieces.

Score: 295

Explore the Dungeon of Vulgarisprime and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

Here's one from June 29th:

I wonder if I should even continue living anymore. It's obvious I'm worthless, and that I contribute nothing to society. Perhaps I'd be better off dead.

I'll think about it while I'm at work tonight.

How about this one from June 1st (mind you, he GOT the job on May 30th):

I really don't want to go to work today. If I could get a job almost anywhere else, I would.



Great stuff, isn't it? Behold the voice of the American Left!!! Vote Damian for Congress!

You want some fries with that, Damian?
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Sunday Afternoon Musing...With Cigar.
Sunday Scavenger Hunt

As I puffed on a delightful cigar this afternoon and enjoyed the nearly-unbearable humidity and heat, my mind wandered to much of the ridiculous bantering that I witnessed in the local blogosphere this week. A quick recap (no links, just summaries) with some additional notes:

We had some small-dog bites big-dog hullabaloo about Ken Fries marching in the TRF kickoff parade with his boss. The raw tribalism of our nearly defunct two party system reared its ugly head as local democrats kept repeating the same nonsensical mantra...even after a TRF official went on record as saying that no rules were broken. Seems like that should have put an end to the bitching early on, but no such digression occurred. Ha! One confused local blogger even blamed it on Bush...I haven't yet figured out the connection, if one really exists. H/T AWB for the pic. Also-H/T RRouse and J. McGauley for the originals...we wouldn't wanna get sued over photo rights here...

Scavenger hunt items (first person to find the answers and post them in the comments section below earn themselves one beer per correct find!): Who was the TRF official in question? Who moronically tried to blame George W. Bush for the situation?

Moving on! One local leftist blogger seems to be really heated up about the Plame/Wilson debacle, even after months and months of non-indictments by the special prosecutor. You see, Plame and Wilson are now filing suit against Rove, Libby and even Cheney I think (he he he). Rightfully, they feel they might actually be able to win that kind of lawsuit, since civil trials require far less due diligence on nusiance topics like, well, evidence [and such] than do their criminal counterparts. Just remember folks, OJ is playing golf right now, but he lost his civil trial. So literally, there is no public interest in justice here, just some greed on behalf of a couple of our fine government employees (we pay these fscking people, you know). But, I'm sure a nice windfall judgment for the Plame/Wilson consortium will somehow vindicate many on the left. Here's the funniest part (to me): It is a commonly accepted fact that leftards hate the CIA, yet now its sanctitiy seems to be of paramount importance to these jokers. J4TR.com prediction: If Plame can convince the civil court that appearances in Vanity Fair magazine (see inset picture above) are less of an exposure when you wear sunglasses and a scarf (ooh, how clandestine), she stands a chance to make some big money. However, if the trial starts to go that way, expect Plame to mysteriously dissappear vis-a-vis Jimmy Hoffa.

Scavenger hunt item:
What local blogger has their panties tied up in knots about this BS? What is the blogger's actual profession?

One local blogger made some very astute observations this week about the business of Christianity, and points out (without prejudice) that sometimes even "divine" business can be bad business.

Scavenger hunt items: Who was the blogger? To what was he referring?

I'll go through next week and point links to the proper places, as well as announce the beer winners. Don't worry, I'll make good on the prizes. Get busy.









Saturday, July 15, 2006
What A Show!!!
Anyone who missed the premier of the PBS Soundstage episode featuring Bill Laswell and Axiom Sound System Live in Chicago needs to check it out tonight for sure. It airs at 11:00pm on WFWA (Channel 39). It is truly an amazing show, including the likes of Bootsy Collins, Buckethead, Tabla Beat Science, Pharoah Sanders backed by Material and more!

This performance was especially riveting thanks to the aforementioned jam session with Tabla Beat Science. Zakir Hussain absolutely annihilates the tabla creating a plethora of deep, rich sounds like none I'd ever heard before. I might recommend that if you plan on checking this out, you buddy up to someone with a phenomenal home theater, as it only enhances what is already a masterpiece and can only be described as "ear candy."

You will have to sit through Buckethead's acid-laced padded-room craziness to get to some of the classic Bootsy, but it's cool too, even if you're not into shred-guitar.

Hell, it's worth it just to watch the dude breakdance with nunchaku. Big D made a bizarre appearance (dressed as a Geisha, I might add), it seemed only to hand Buckethead the nunchaku...so I wasn't sure exactly why (save maybe a freakshow Cirque De Soleil-style ambiance enhancer).

Bootsy brought some singing clowns with him. They kinda flashed me back to the movie Vulgar...
Thursday, July 13, 2006
How Thrilling!

Enough said...for now.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The Whiny Leftist Playbook Says:
In the absence of an actual conspiracy or crime, invent one.

Since the Taviano Camp has conceded the fact that their candidate isn't truly viable in a GOP-Heavy county, it must now be the strategy to win by hook or crook. In Robby Rouse's most recent puke-bucket post at Left of Braindead, he is calling for a swift and brutal end to the Ken Fries for Sheriff Campaign thanks to some quintessential leftard bookworming.

You see, Robert feels that Fries broke the rules of the parade by participating in the parade per this clause in said parade rules and regulations:

Participants accompanying the elected officials will be limited to up to five non-candidate persons (three plus two banner carriers.)

Says Robert:
I also believe it is against the law for a candidate for Sheriff to campaign while in uniform. Now, while Fries may say he was not campaigning, I don't know what else you would call marching next to the Sheriff and waving to the crowd except campaigning.

Oh, great! Two bullshit conspiracy theories wrapped up in one tortilla! Very tasty, Robert. There are a few things that Robert fails to address in his dimwitted accusation(s) though:

1) There were no banner carriers, and no one passing out brochures and buttons marching with Fries.
2) The only thing identifying Mr. Fries as himself was his badge and uniform adornment(s), all part of the uniform code for Allen County Police...nothing relating to elections.
3) This was a PARADE, which historically involve some police participation (ok, I'm being modest...a BUNCH of police participaton).
4) There was no mention anywhere in the parade of the Fries Campaign.
5) It is moronic to think that any appearance Fries makes with Herman should be considered "campaigning," they are the top-ranking county police officials you know...they are likely to be seen together in public, in uniform and at heavily publicized events.
6) If indeed any of this preposterous bullshit-inventing was even remotely close to anything usable by the Democratic Party in Allen County, we know damn well that Kevin Knuth would have been flapping his lips all over the news all week about it and would already be sending out his now famous letters.

Alas, there is silence, save the whiny voice of a lone moonbat and his ever-present entourage of ass-slappers sniveling for some kind of contrived lopsided justice.

Are there any lengths to which these outnumbered, outgunned, outplayed and outsmarted schmucks won't go to win a seat or two? I'm waiting...
Circus Sideshows Stoop to New Low

I just caught a commercial for The Oxygen Networks uterrific new puke-fest Mo'Nique's F.A.T. Chance, which is like a disturbing combination of Peter Griffin and JonBenet Ramsey, or so I gather. This (guaranteed) disaster is scheduled to roll out on Saturday. I'm not exactly the politically correct type, but doesn't this cross some well established boundaries?

Gross.
Some Social Security MythBusting
By Liz Pulliam Weston From MSN Money:

5 myths about Social Security

System reform is a hotbed of controversy. But to move ahead, we've got to identify the myths, toss them aside and refocus on realities.

You can't write about Social Security and not get flooded with angry e-mails representing all points of the political spectrum. From those who dub it "Socialist Insecurity" to those who hold their checks to be an inalienable right, people often have passionate and firmly held beliefs about the system.

Unfortunately, sometimes those beliefs are based on myths. In the interest of more honest debate, let's review some of these legends.

Looking for the cash hoard

Myth No.1: There is no Social Security trust fund. You may have heard this assertion so often that you'll be surprised to learn that there really IS a Social Security trust fund that collects our payroll taxes and invests the surplus. It's called the Old-Age and Survivors Insurance and Disability Insurance Trust Funds.

What isn't in the trust fund is a big hoard of cash.

Three-quarters of the money that's collected in Social Security taxes goes right out the door again in the form of benefits to Social Security recipients. The surplus that isn't needed to pay benefits is loaned to the federal government to pay for other programs.

In return for this loan, the trust fund gets IOUs in the form of special-issue, interest-paying Treasury bonds. The interest isn't paid in cash, however; the Treasury issues the fund additional bonds for the interest amount. Last year, the fund was credited with $80 billion in interest; the total value of the securities is about $1.5 trillion.

Critics often deride these bonds as "a bookkeeping entry" or a fiction, but they're real obligations of the U.S. government, said Steve Goss, Social Security's chief actuary. In the past, they've been cashed in when Social Security or its sister program, Medicare, temporarily ran low on funds. The last time was in the early 1980s.

"They're backed by the full faith and credit of the U.S. government," Goss said. "They're every bit as real . . . as any savings bond or Treasury bond any individual might hold in society."

The problem, of course, is that the government now owes the trust fund so much money -- and relies on its surplus so heavily -- that real problems will be created when it comes time to cash in those IOUs. Uncle Sam is going to need to find another source of income to replace the surplus (or cut spending, or borrow money from somewhere else), plus come up with cash to pay the bonds it's already issued.

Myth No.2: Congress doesn't pay into Social Security, so it doesn't care about fixing the crisis. The idea that U.S. lawmakers don't pay into Social Security is 20 years out of date. Before 1984, U.S. representatives and senators -- like all other federal employees -- weren't covered by Social Security and didn't pay into the system. Congress passed a law in 1983, which took effect the next year, requiring all its members (and all federal employees hired after that year) to participate in the system.

This myth is often accompanied by the assertion that Congress participates in a private pension scheme that pays them their salaries for the rest of their lives. In fact, the Civil Service Retirement System, which covered federal employees in earlier decades, was closed to new participants after 1983. The pensions available under this old system depend on the federal worker's pay and tenure with the government, but by law can't exceed 80% of the final year's pay. Benefits paid under the system are reduced by the amount of Social Security the participant receives.

The reason Congress hasn't fixed the Social Security crisis is politics. The most likely solutions -- raising taxes, cutting benefits, establishing private accounts or some combination of the three -- all face strong opposition. In addition, the people currently receiving benefits are represented by one of the strongest, most politically-connected lobbies in existence: AARP. The 20-something workers who likely will pay the cost for congressional inaction don't have nearly the same clout.

Life expectancy and disappearing assets

Myth No.3: Age 65 was picked as the retirement age because when Social Security was started in the 1930s, most people were dead by then. The average life expectancy for a baby girl born in 1935 was about 63 years. For a baby boy, it was about 59 years.

But those statistics reflect the higher infant and child mortality rates of the times. If you survived childhood, you had a good shot of living beyond retirement age. Men who lived to age 30 in 1935 could expect to last another 37 years. Women at 30 had a 40-year average life expectancy.

If you actually reached retirement age, your prospects for a relatively long retirement were good. Men who were 65 in 1935 could expect to live another 12 years, while women faced an average 13 more years. (Today, men of the same age can expect to live another 16 years, and women 19 years.)

In fact, about half of the 30 state pension plans that existed in 1935, and many of the private pension plans, used 65 as a retirement age. Most of the others used age 70. Social Security's creators thought 65 was the more reasonable age and believed the system could be self-sustaining if they chose that age.

Myth No.4: Social Security will run out of money in 2042. Social Security will still be receiving payroll taxes from workers in 2042. What may have disappeared by then are the assets in the Social Security trust fund.

Even that isn't cast in stone, however. The Congressional Budget Office in June projected that the trust fund wouldn't dry up until 10 years later, in 2052. The CBO used different assumptions than those used by the Social Security Administration, projecting faster growth in worker earnings, higher interest rates and lower inflation.

Here's how the Social Security Administration projects the timeline:

  • In 2018, Social Security will begin paying out more than it takes in. For the first time, it will have to use the interest being paid on the securities it holds in order to meet its obligations.
  • In 2028, Social Security would have to start redeeming the securities themselves.
  • By 2042, Social Security would have cashed in the last security, and the system would have enough revenue to pay out only 73% of promised benefits. That percentage would drop over time if Congress failed to act.

Demographics and add-ons

Myth No.5: Social Security wouldn't be having problems if foreigners weren't able to claim Social Security benefits. The number of checks sent overseas in 2002 totaled 404,640 -- a tiny fraction of the 53 million or so checks Social Security issues annually. Many of those folks may well be Americans who retired abroad. Social Security doesn't break down the overseas checks by citizenship.

In any case, foreign workers who live in the United States have to work and pay taxes into the system for at least 10 years to qualify for Social Security benefits, just as U.S. citizens do.

What will really hurt Social Security are two factors: demographics and the scope of Americans who are covered.

In 1950, there were 16 workers for every person receiving Social Security benefits. By 2015, there will be only three workers for each beneficiary. Fifteen years after that, the ratio will be down to 2.2 to 1.

Even that demographic shift wouldn't be such a disaster if Social Security hadn't expanded far beyond its original mandate of providing retirement benefits for workers. About 30% of Social Security's total benefits are paid to retirees' dependents and survivors and to disabled workers.

Here's a summary of the add-ons over the years:

  • In 1939, five years after Social Security began, Congress added payments for the families of workers who died, and for retirees' dependents (such as stay-at-home spouses).
  • In 1956, Congress added disability benefits for workers.
  • In 1974, Supplemental Security Income or SSI was established as a welfare program for low-income seniors and people with disabilities.
  • In 1965, Congress established Medicare to pay health-care costs for seniors.

Of these add-ons, however, only the first two -- disability benefits and payments to dependents, widows, orphans -- actually affect Social Security's bottom line.

SSI benefits are paid out of the federal government's general revenues. Medicare is paid for with its own tax and has its own trust fund.

(Medicare is in far worse shape than Social Security. Medicare's trustees project insolvency in 2019, 23 years before the earliest date Social Security is scheduled to run aground. Medicare has an unfunded liability of $27.7 trillion over the next 75 years, while Social Security's unfunded liability for the same period is $3.7 trillion. To put this in perspective, the entire national debt is currently about $7 trillion.)

Like Medicare, the disability insurance program also has its own tax and its own trust fund. But the disability fund's results are combined with that of the retirement system when Social Security insolvency projections are made, Goss said, and account for $700 billion of the $3.7 trillion unfunded liability.If the disabled, the dependent and the survivors were booted out of the system, Social Security could pay for itself --assuming tax levels remained the same.

"The system would be more than adequately funded," Goss said, "if only retirees were receiving benefits."

That's not a solution Goss -- or anyone else who really thinks about it -- could endorse. Even if it were morally viable, kicking out all the widows, orphans, disabled and stay-at-home spouses is politically untenable.

So we're back to choosing from the same controversial list of options: cutting benefits, raising taxes, privatizing some or all of the system. What we choose, though, should be based on the realities of the system -- not the myths.



Who's Idea Was This?????
I guess the controversial Spanish withdrawal of troops from Iraq wasn't such a major coalition loss afterall...check out Spain's finest fighters in action:

Step Aside, Kathie Lee Gifford!

In an effort to supply 3rd world countries with water, unpaid child labor is now a viable means to an end. Here's the kicker, they want you and I to pay for the pumping equipment! Behold: PlayPumps!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Sweeeeet.

No, seriously! My lovely wife and I took our son to The Scoop on DuPont Road (right by the BIG S&V liquor store for any of my close friends that might be reading). What a kick-ass deal! Somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 various flavors of Edy's homegrown ice cream...for about half the price of the other place with the 31 flavors. We were out the door for about $5. From the looks of the place, I guess they serve some sort of lunches too...as I am confident that not even the drunkest or pregnantest [sic] among us would put pickle relish or chopped onions on ice cream.

BONUS: The tables were clean, instead of being covered in the choco-drool of other peoples' kids like the pink and white place that only has 31 flavors.
The Creepy Brother Hezekiah
I've always been particularly opposed to the widespread usage of horse-drawn carriages on public throughfares by the Amish...not because I give a shit about how quickly they get where there going or anything like that, I really couldn't care less. I think those vehicles are a menace to the people who drive them and the people who drive in traffic among them. There is little in this world that makes my guts turn more than hearing about some ignorant Amishman that got his young child seriously injured or killed on the highway because he was driving a painfully slow-moving black vehicle after nightfall with his kids heaped in the damned thing like groceries. Well, it turns out I'm even more opposed to the Amish sexually molesting their young. I always knew there had to be some pretty shallow gene pools in the electricity-free long-bearded communities of Grabill...
Help Wanted:
New legislative representatives to serve as liaisons between Alaskan Citizens and Washington D.C. Applicants must have a pulse, a well calibrated political compass and the ability to avoid ludicrous multi-hundred-million dollar pork-barreling embarassments. Please apply in person and your local political party headquarters. Apes, dogs and felons may be considered an improvement, please do not refrain from applying if you think you're underqualified, we're used to it.
Hmmf. Ain't That a Bitch?



Eulogy for the EV1

Just another fine example of legislators and corporations dry-humping each other at the expense of the American consumer. Great stuff.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
THE DOWNSIDE OF FASTING

OH JESSE, DON'T BE ANGRY, WHILE I'M FASTING FOR THE TROOPS IT JUST MEANS I CAN'T SWALLOW ANY SOLID FOOD, SILLY!